Wednesday, March 28, 2007


Today, 15 years ago my dad died. I was 21, my brothers were 20 and 16. My dad was young, 43, and his passing was a shock not only to his immediate family but to all his friends too. At that time, I remember thinking to myself, "How will I ever get over this?" "How will I ever manage to live the rest of my life without my dad?" and I honestly didn't think I would.

But as a young mother of three young kids (Georgia was only a month old) I had to. I won't lie and say it was easy. It wasn't. There were so many unanswered questions, and since he died, there have been many times when I still, to this day, think "Oh, I should tell my dad....." but he isn't there to tell. Had he still been alive today, I KNOW he would have loved my husband, my friends, my life here in the US, and I can't tell you how much he would have loved his grandkids. But he isn't here.

As many of you know, my mum also died last year. She was young too, 56 and had Cancer. Georgia and I are so very much like my mum it's ridiculous. I catch myself sometimes, saying things EXACTLY how she used to. I have the same mannerisms too. Georgia is the double of my mum, spitting image! I think however, that knowing her diagnosis, her passing didn't catch me off guard and I was far more prepared than I was with my dad.

Having lost both parents, albeit over a decade apart, is so painful it is difficult to describe. I think about both my mum and dad EVERY day. EVERY SINGLE DAY. I thought I knew everything yet still, to this day (and I find even more lately) I have questions about when I was young but there is no-one there to give me answers. There is no-one that can tell me what I was like as a child. Yes, Aunts and Uncles but they aren't your parents. When I have moments like this, when I think of my mum and dad, I have a pain in my heart, it just burns and is so deep it is sometimes terrifying. However, I hide it well. I can't let the kids see me upset ALL THE TIME. People don't need to see my crying and so far away in thought all the time.

I can't believe that they are both gone. Not here to enjoy life, not here to enjoy me, my brothers, or their grandkids. All I can do is make the most of what I have, to make it worth while. For them.

Frank Mason

Brenda Mason (Pickup)

Courting Days......

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