Sunday, April 16, 2006

Can we have a moments silence please?

I have a confession to make.

This isn't easy for me, and I know I am letting many of you down, especially the English folk amongst you.

*takes a deep breath*

I have gone off tea. Nay, not just gone off it, my taste buds have rebelled.

It all started when I visited a certain Michael who may or may not live in Chicago, a month or so ago. I don't really blame him. *TOTALLY blames him* How was he to know?

While we were in Chicago, and recovering from a drunken afternoon at the 'Second Storey' bar, we woke up and were feeling parched. Now, Michael had a huge assortment of tea, and I fancied a change so I made a cup of hot orange tea. It was like heaven and totally flavorful.

Upon my return from Chicago, I started a diet (10 pounds so far - but awfully constipated!!!) and decided that instead of the usual tea with milk and one and a half sugars, I'd buy this orange 'manna from heaven' and see how that went.

It went well.

Too well. The other day though I thought I'd have a 'normal' cup of tea. I got to the kitchen, put the kettle on and completely forgot how to make a cup of tea.

Me! The connoisseur of tea. The woman who had tea running through her veins!! Distraught, I went back to my post from January of 2005 where I gave detailed instructions to the people of the world on how to make a perfect cup of tea, to see if that helped. It did.

I sat down, People magazine in hand, and had a sip of the tea. The result?

This tea, the tea I had grown up drinking, the tea that had cured hangovers, that got me through sad times, that ended a perfect day? I couldn't stand it. It was dreadful. I couldn't even finish the cup!

I called Stella, I don't know why. I guess I needed to hear a comforting voice in my hour of need. She hung up on me, she was disgusted. I may have broken that bond forever.*

I tried to make another cup the next day, but no. Twas not to be. It seems the relationship I had is now broken, never to be again. What do I do with all the tea-bags that people have brought me over, smuggled or mailed? I guess I'll keep them for guests.

For now, I'm like a tea virgin!! My fresh new relationship with Snapple hot orange tea is like falling in love again. My heart races when I think about making a cup, tasting the orange-ness. My hands shake when I pour the water in the cup and as I watch the water meet the tea-bag, the orange colour seeps into the water and I know that I am mere seconds away from heaven.

THAT is what the orange tea does for me.

So, to my old friend, I say one thing:

R.I.P. You served me well.

* Stella would NEVER drop me as a friend for not drinking tea. Now, when I stop drinking alcohol I will get worried!

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