Sunday, May 01, 2005

Oil and Water

Why does this:


find it so difficult to mix with this?:


I seem to be asking the impossible. It seems that the older I get, the more tiresome it becomes. If it isn't one thing it's the other, verging on the ridiculous almost! I'm stuck in the middle and can't win either way. If I do one thing to ease the other, my headache gets worse.

I wanted to go to my peaceful hideaway, but instead I just let it get to me, and just sat and cried. I think that finally, and by finally I mean that my kids saw me breakdown for the first time properly, I think it sunk in that while it is painful for them, it is ten times worse for me.

I'm sure you (with kids) have been the target of the kids asking you if they can do something but not asking their dad as they know the answer will be no. When I tell them to go ask him (as I know what they are up to) they bitch and moan at me. Then he bitches and moans at me because of what they are doing! A no-win situation!

Well, Yesterday this bullshit thing, loud and deafening, misty and dark, finally just got behind me, put it's hands around my throat and just throttled me till I could no longer stand it. All the teenage gods were there, just laughing at me. Arguments, screaming, ranting and raving ensued and we are now, on Sunday evening, at a standoff. People aren't speaking, things were said that will take time to undo, but eventually, things will get back to the way they were before which yes, means groundings, shouting and sulking.

But I guess this is what I should be expecting from my teenagers.

As much as I know I should be making the most of these years with my kids, I can't help but want to close my eyes and count down with the clock in my head as to the exact time and date that they are old enough to either move out or be kicked out.

It is taking it's toll.

The only light at the end of the tunnel? All this crap we are going through? Is only making my husband and I stronger (and hoarse with all the shouting). Well thats what I am telling myself!

Am I right?

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