Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Adapting to Adoption

There was a new survey or report or something along those lines out yesterday in the news, that stated children, adopted from hardship overseas, adapt well to their new lives.

Well, as some of you may or may not know, I brought my three kids over from the UK with me to the US, when I married George. Now, my kids did have a dad - we'll call him S, but he chose - unwisely I might add - that he really wanted nothing to do with them, their upbringing or their future. He didn't pay one penny in child support (don't even ask me how that happened plus, he then got married to another woman and had kids with her, both of whom he is supporting), didn't see them or have visits with them, nothing. Which, quite frankly, I wasn't too bothered about. If he can't make the effort, why should I waste my time forcing him especially as it would have had a negative effect on the kids?

So, I came over to the US, and once here, my immigration lawyer told me that I would have to ask S for permission to keep the kids here!

Yes, I'll let you pick yourselves up from the floor. I had to ask him for permission!

Well, I didn't, and so far, there have been no repercussions.

Anyway, I married George, and we decided that as he was 'technically' their new dad, he should 'become' their dad. So, steps were put into place to have George adopt the kids. I filled all the paperwork in (oh and don't even get me started on the fact that my lawyer wanted $3000 to do the paperwork when the court only charged me $100) and the court told me that as S name was on the birth certificate, he had to complete paperwork for the adoption process to go ahead.

Now, ANY SANE PERSON will agree with me that once S signed the paperwork, there would be no come-back from me to get back-dated child support. He would never have to pay it, and that would be that.

Now, I did say ANY SANE PERSON. Both the court and I sent three sets of paperwork EACH to S to sign, but it was never returned.

Can I tell you that both me and G had tickets booked to go kick his arse if the court decided that the adoption couldn't go ahead because of this?

Anyway, the court sent us a letter with a date for the adoption, wherein we were certain they were going to say no, but they didn't. They told us it was obvious that G WAS now their real dad and that S had basically signed his rights away by not signing. So, G is now their dad. They call him George - I guess out of habit - but when talking to other people, they say "My dad......."

Now, as far as the report I was telling you about at the start of this post, my kids don't appear to have any negative feelings or or harboring any deep-hidden thoughts about murder, or such like because they were adopted. We didn't make a big deal out of it. We are an open family, and if anyone has a problem, we can pretty much read each other, and if one of us sees something, we talk about it. In fact I forget the fact that they are adopted. We are, I believe, a normal family, and we have our moments of misery, anger, laughter, good times etc., I could take the easy road and say that every time something goes wrong it boils down to the fact that they were adopted but I don't.

Someone at my daughters school found out that my husband had adopted her and they all thought she was an orphan and had been in some orphanage in Romania or something! (I know that my oldest two sometimes wish they were as we are so mean with groundings etc.,)

I guess all I'm saying is that, not only am I proud that my husband took us in, adopted them and made all our lives much better than it was before, (like we were strays or something ;) but I'm also proud of the way my kids are being raised. They know I love them, and I know they love me for all my faults.

So S, stick that up your arse! You missed out on so much and gave me so much in doing so!



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