Dear Mum

It has been one month since you passed away.

One whole month. How can that be? It feels like only yesterday. It will always feel like that.

One of my first thoughts when I heard the news was ""I'm never going to get over this".

There have been so many times since that day that something has happened, someone has said something funny, or that I just thought "Oh, I HAVE to call my mum and tell her..........."

and I can't.

The night before it happened, you were trying to get in touch with me but couldn't. I will always wonder what you wanted to say. I will always be thinking of the conversation we never had and replaying it in my head in many different ways.

Will we be disagreeing about something? or laughing about someone or something? Who knows.

One thing I DO know is that you are missed by so many people. Your Memorial Service was exactly how it should have been. Stories were told about you that, well, I can feel you blushing from here! I know you were listening.

Since I returned home, you have been mentioned every day. By friends and by us. We have your pictures to look at and stories to remember.

I have some of your clothes.

They smell just like you. I like to hug and smell your cardigan when I look at the pictures, or whenever I have that last unspoken conversation with you. It will never be washed.

Sometimes I think "how can the world just keep going on, like nothing happened?" and I realise that it has to. For me and the kids to fulfill the legacy you left us with, it has to continue.

But, we will do it with the love and admiration you deserve.

We miss you. We always will.

Andi