Friday, October 28, 2005

Oh, sunny, sunny England and monkeys!

As many of you know, I came here to England to see my mum and visit places far and wide. We have done that.

We have laughed, and been surprised and been stuck in more traffic jams than I ever want to think of again.

When I first arrived here, it was a case of just being knackered (there were delays a-plenty) and getting into bed. I went shopping the next day with my cousin Claire and then went out clubbing and had a laugh.

No, I don't know what she's doing either! Rasberry Vodka, halves of lager and we are sorted! Necking my wine before hitting the light fantastic! The best t-shirt EVER

Sunday technically, was the start of my visiting with my mum. As some of you may recall, she wanted to go to a Safari park. Knowsley Safari Park to be exact. Well, we got there OK, and were driving through each section, and of course "ooh'ed" and "aah'ed" the lions and tigers and deer. Then we came to the monkey section.

Actually, that sentence should stand alone.


Now, upon arriving at the entrance to this section, there were two signs. One read:

"For a car friendly viewing of the monkeys, turn right."

The other one, well, thats pretty obvious. I asked my mum, "Which one do you want to take, bear in mind I'm in a rental car!!!!"

"You don't come all the way to a safari park and not have monkeys sitting on your car" says my worldly-wise mother.

I told her that something would happen to the car and that people would be all "You went to a safari park in a RENTAL???? Are you CRAZY?" Folks, the answer would be yes.

So off we went. Now. The fun starts.

Again, we were all "ooh, look at that monkey" and "ah, look at that".

A car in front of us had at least 12 baboons and cute little baby monkeys galore on it. The poor woman couldn't see through the windshield to drive!

Then a monkey sits on my car and just as we were about to snap a picture of it (because at this point, it was kinda cute), it only bloody went and started eating my car. Yes. I said EATING!

It was gnawing at the little thingy that windshield fluid comes out of. It was gnawing, and yanking at it and pulling it until the whole bloody thing came out, tubing and all! THEN! (Oh yes, it gets better!)

THEN!!!!!! It goes to my other one and starts eating that one! My mum was all "Beep your horn" and quite frankly, I could have farted louder than the horn! It was almost like a puff of air. I had an asthmatic car!

I didn't want to do the wipers coz I was thinking that may draw it's attention to the fact there were other pull-offable things on the car! So I pulled the lever to get the fluid out which, yes, it stopped eating my car but then began drinking the fluid! Probably poisonous to a monkey but at this stage in the game I could give a toss!

Eventually we got through the monkey part and thankfully, when I got out to inspect the car, the monkey had dropped the fluid thing it had yanked out ON my car so I can shove it back in and hopefully the rental place won't notice!!! Other people were not so lucky! There were missing bumpers, ariels, the lot! My car was covered in crap though, and alot of mud, which as you may not believe, was a good thing as the rental car is the smallest car I've ever driven and the nastiest bright neon green you have ever seen! Claire calls it a mushy pea. So a bit of mud does wonders for it.

From there, we went to Blackpool. Not a very nice place, although this picture kinda shows otherwise! It was cold, damp and miserable but somehow I took this pic and it looks all romantic and warm. It wasn't.

Blackpool sunset

We stayed in a crappy B&B then the next day went back to Liverpool to fly to Dublin.

I have to say, Liverpool airport is the WORST airport in the world, rude staff, crappy service and just miserable.

Dublin was fun though.

Wednesday was my birthday and I had a good day! I went out with my Uncle and got drunk and danced. It was great fun!

Then my mum and I were Scarborough bound to meet Jon of Whatevasista fame. Here, you can see he is just thrilled to have a picture taken with me, though, we got his 'good side'.

Me and Jon

We were an hour late (I mentioned those traffic jams earlier) but I think Jon occupied himself with building a few sandcastles while waiting. He had been up all night after working 3rd shift and then had driven to meet me so we didn't want to keep him up longer, so we had lunch, took some pictures (although he refused, FLAT OUT, to have a picture taken with me paddling in the Scarborough sea!!!) and then left. We visited Filey on our way back, then got home late last night.

Tonight I'm going out again with Claire and some friends, then Saturday night, my mum and Mark are having some family round for dinner. Then Sunday it is back to the Good Ol' US.

I have missed it more than I ever would, but then again, so long as I don't have to have any more monkeys eating my vehicle or traffic jams or rain or rude service or.... or...... or......

You get the picture. it's been fun.


I realised after reading this blog that I didn't say whether Jon and I got on! I like to think we did! He's a lovely chap if a bit shy but exactly what I was expecting. I *heart* Jon.

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