Thursday, April 14, 2005

Remembering and Catching up.

I am 35. (my late 30's if you ask Ms Mac).

I don't recall much about when I was growing up. And I hate that. I have had 35 years of growing up (I still have a long way to go) but why is it that I don't remember much? Is it selective memory? I don't think so. Did all my good times just blend into one and thats all I remember? I doubt it. So where did all my memories go?

The few things I do remember are done by how old I was, where I may have been and who I was with.

I remember being hit on the head by a big brass bell at my primary school and the secretary, Mrs Williams, giving me some Maltesers while my mum came for me.

I remember learning dance steps in the street with Samantha Toulson.

I remember trying to play guitar to an assembly, with Philippa Edwards on trumpet.

I remember wearing navy blue knickers under my white costume when I played an angel in the nativity scene.

I remember being May Queen at nursery.

I remember getting a girls bike for Christmas when I really wanted a big red Grifter bike like Mick McGann had.

I remember telling my mum the new school uniform was black when in fact it was blue (after she had spent tons of money which I'm sure she didn't have)

I remember being a snowflake, a businessman and a demon in the 'Scrooge' Christmas play.

I remember getting my hair cut short for the very first time.

I remember leaving my parents at the airport when I went to Germany - my first time travelling away from them.

I remember having Nick, Dan and Georgia.

I remember the VERY first time I had contact with George.

I remember meeting him at the train station.

I remember leaving for America and marrying him some four days later.

You may be reading this list thinking "Boy, to say she doesn't remember, she remembers alot!" But ask yourself. Is this really a noteworthy 'remembering' list for someone who is 35? There are 'big' things on this list, but the majority are small things. I feel like there is so much more to me. There has to be. I don't mean the little every day things that go on, but surely more has happened to me than this. I'm not be-littling my life, I have so much to be thankful for, but what did I do with my life so far? It has just sneaked away from me.

I guess this is why I am the person I am today. I like to think I am adventurous, that I am a very on the spur of the moment kind of person, a person who wants things done now. I feel like if I don't do it right now, or get it done right now, time will take away more from me and when I get older, I will regret not doing things. When people ask if it was hard leaving for America with my kids, I just laugh. How could I have not done this? I would be forever thinking "What if?". I want to make the most of every opportunity given to me and not waste a single moment. I wake up some mornings and look at myself in the mirror and can't believe that 35 years have gone by.

If one day you see some mad English woman racing by, drinking tea, eating English Chocolate, waving? It's me. Don't stop me. I'm racing to catch a ride on this wild and crazy thing called my life before it passes me by!

* Let it be noted that 20 minutes after typing this post, a flood of memories tapped me on my shoulder and said "hey, what about us?"

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