Thursday, February 24, 2005

Apologies to the following

I woke up this morning feeling like I had eaten 10 vindaloos the night before.

Funny how that word vindaloo, ends with loo because that's exactly where my arse was for about two hours this morning. Twas not a pretty sight. I could go into graphic details, but with wonderful people like Ruksak,and Lord Itchybum out there, who do a much better job, I'll leave it to them!. Suffice to say, I'm feeling slightly better.

However, in my general crabby-arsed mood of today, I have been slightly bitchy - unecessarily I might add - to a few people hence my apologetic post.

My sorrys go to the following;-
  • To the 92 year old woman driving a huge arsed Cadillac at EXACTLY 21 miles per hour (on a one lane-no-take-over-lane road), for all of 3 miles, barely being able to see over the dash, never mind the steering wheel and generally driving me insane. I'm sorry I flipped you the bird and shouted LOUDLY at you that "you are a road whore." I'm sorry.
  • To my toilet, I'm sorry for what I put you through. I can't however promise that I won't do it again, however, I will try not to be so pebble-dashy. I'm sorry.
  • To the drive-thru idiot at Wendys (yep folks, I am still on my refusing eat burgers or anything at these places - however, the fruit bowl looked so appetizing on the advert I just had to do it). I'm sorry that I had to bark my order at you 4 times. My simple "FRUIT BOWL AND THAT'S IT" order, 4 sodding times because you weren't paying attention and no matter how many times you get trained to use the machine, you will never grasp it's simplicity. On an added note, the fruit bowl DOES NOT look like it does in the ad. 3 small pieces of Pineapple. Ha! I'm sorry.
  • To my cat, I'm sorry I stepped on you in my rush to get to the loo. However, if my daughter had fed and watered you as she is supposed to every morning, then you wouldn't have had your head down the loo getting rehydrated, when my arse was in a rush to get to the front of the queue. I'm sorry.
  • To the cashier at the grocery store who tried to talk to me about inane stuff that I was NOT interested in the slightest, I'm sorry I gave you a look that might have given the impression that I didn't care. I should have been more attentive when you were talking about how the stuff I was buying helped your arse out one night and that you not only stopped shitting water, you ended up being constipated and that I should probably buy some Ex-lax crap 'just in case'. I can't help it if today I felt like Whateveasista's #43 . I'm sorry I just demanded that you "give me my change bitch and shut the fuck up" (well, in my mind I did, I just gave her the look, you know which one!) I'm sorry.
And last but not least, I'm sorry to all my readers for two 'not very good' posts this morning prior to this one. It won't happen again.

However, on a lighter note, I would like to thank you all for your concern and wishes in my hour of need. Thank you.

I am now going to wash my cat.

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