Part one over......

Well, I just got back from my polygraph test and all I can say is "Thank God". I tell you Jesus Christ himself would have been nervous! They told me to be there for 9:30 so being good (and the fact that I was busting to go to the loo) I got there at 9:10. They didn't even see me till 10:10! I had to sit in the foyer freezing my arse off - and as regular readers know, I am a BEE ATCH when I'm cold. Was this a ploy? To have me even more uncomfortable for the test? Who knows, but it worked! So I had to fill in a questionnaire, answering all sorts of quesetions from 'have you ever gambled' to 'do you watch child pornography'. He kept asking me about the gambling stuff. I don't gamble, plain and simple. I mean, I have been to a casino once in my life and played the slot machines (don't like poker - never have - never will) and I have done the lottery a couple of times but does that constitute a gambling habit? I don't think so. But this is the thing, the longer you sit and wait, the more shit you think of that you did, even going back to when you were 8 or 9 years old, you know? They asked me a million personal questions, to which I answered honestly (I think!). But I asked him, "say you ask me if I have ever had a hit and run experience say with a dog, and even though I haven't, that picture in my mind is of me knocking a dog over, will that show on the polygrpah that I did it coz I thought about it?" You know what I'm saying? he told me not to worry......

So he tied me up with all the machinery etc., electric chair like....... and Bobs your uncle off he went with the questions.......

In the end, he only really asked me about 15 questions and I was so nervous, my heart was beating like a cartoon character (you know when it literally jumps out of their chest and is beating away!). When we had finished, I told him that was the worst experience ever. He said "don't worry, you were fine, you have a good background" whatever that means. God, I'm still nervous now and it was an hour ago!

So who knows. The worst thing is, if I pass, I have to go back and do another "more personal" test. How can they get more personal than asking whether I watch child pornogrpahy or have addictions? I think I'm going to have to take a valium next time (if there is one) but wait... isn't that a drug? oo-er........

Well, that was the morning for you. Now I have to do some bloody laundry, then watch some Sopranos....... God I feel ill - can I have some sympathy here please?