Chaos

It is now midday exactly as I type this and so much has happened today already – but far too stressful to even talk about.

I took a look at Dooce’s blog and she writes letters on a regular basis to her daughter about how she is growing up (her daughter that is) and what is happening in the world around her etc., Then I thought that I should do something like that for my kids. However – while thinking about what to write, I realized that as mine are older my notes probably won’t be as meaningful, soulful or lovely dovey etc., but here goes;

My darling kids – Nick, Dan and Georgia;

I wake up on this cold cold morning, in my warm and toasty bed, and hear your oh so lovely voices.

Screaming at each other! “I need this” and “mummy, tell him” and “Hurry up” and “Shut up!”, etc., oh the words I know so well. I get up, get out of bed and trip up over the piles of clothes, pyjamas and wet towels you have left, and make my way into the bathroom. To find toothpaste all over the sink, cotton buds used and left on the sides, facial cleanser bottles with the lids left off, the fresh toilet paper roll not actually on the holder itself but rather on top of the empty roll still on the holder – (but isn’t that to be expected?) water all over the floor because the shower curtain wasn’t inside the bath but out making me slip and pull a muscle in my leg. I venture downstairs to find 6 half full (or half empty – you decide) glasses of coke and lemonade on the side, bowls of cereal left on the kitchen table to dry and be impossible to chip off the bowls themselves, cereal on the floor that snap, crackles and pops as I walk on it – not it’s intention I’m sure, a can of hairspray on the sofa – of course where it belongs, school books and papers all over the floor, the cat sleeping across last nights homework, clothes all over the floor while you decide what you want to wear that day. You leave the house and as you do, you come running back with forgotten slips of paper that I need to sign “or else…..”.

I marvel at all this chaos, and wonder how, when I have tried to explain how to avoid it, it re-occurs every day. Just as I think I’m reaching the end of my tether, Daniel and Georgia, you come back inside and give me a hug and a kiss and say “Bye”. Nick, when you come home from school you laugh at what has happened that day, regardless of whether you are in trouble or not.

Nick and Dan, you laugh at how much taller than me you are – calling me “Shorty”, Georgia, you laugh and make me happy when you tell me how impressed your friends are with the way I teach you how to remember homework.

I get so angry with you all sometimes, but then I look at you when you aren’t aware, and I marvel at how you have all grown into who you are today. You are all funny, smart when you want to be, kind kids who people ALWAYS tell me how polite you are. The choices you are making aren’t always the right ones, in fact sometimes they are the worst choices you could ever have made, but they are YOUR choices and I am glad I have raised you to be the kind of kids that feels they can make these choices. I’m saying this now, and I know that when you all get home from your day, you will complain at me for something I haven’t done or couldn’t have helped, and I will wonder what on earth made me feel the way I am feeling right now but that’s just how I am.

Just keep up with your life and I’ll try to make it easier for you – that’s the best that I can do.